Back from the doctor. Always discouraging to go. Their scales show less weight loss than my scales. Doctor wants to put me on cholesterol drugs and blood pressure medicine, although both are only a couple of points higher than normal. Cost me $210 for that info plus what I'll pay for my prescriptions. Well. There it is. Nothing to do, but to deal with it. Dang, I'd sure like to go for once and hear some good news. But I'd probably drop dead from shock if I did.
Very discouraging, though. Seems like I've been working hard on my blood sugar, and now I'll have something else to fight, too.
And I beat myself up. I could have exercised harder. Ate less. Slept better. Do more healthy things.
From there, I spread out. Should have a job. Should be writing more. Should be doing more publicity. Should be nicer to my friends. Should do more for charities. Should do more for the church. Should be better.
Should, should, should be a different person. A better person.
Sometimes I think about running away. Going somewhere new. Leaving all my debts behind. Leaving all my troubles. But I know better. I know my health problems with go with me. I know my debts will find me. I know these things.
I carry my burdens. I try not to whine. I try to be funny. I make people laugh. I keep my house clean. I contribute to my writers group. I write the words I can. I walk. I try to eat right. I drink green tea. I eat more salads. I do what I can.
There's not must else to say. Life is what it is. Life goes on no matter what we wish. There is comfort in that, in knowing that people laugh and cry and mate and dance and rejoice and weep and pray and sing and the whole thing goes on and on.
And so will I. So will I.
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