Saturday, December 31, 2011

Take That - Greatest Day (Official Video)

My second favorite song for the New Year. (Click on the Watch on YouTube link.)

Barry Manilow: It's Just Another New Years Eve

My favorite song for New Years Eve.


Sunday, December 25, 2011

HSCC 2011.25: Luke & John

And now for the final day of the Harbor Street Christmas Celebration 2011, we share the beginnings of Christmas. Thank you for coming by.
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Luke 2:1 And it came to pass in those days, that there went out a decree from Caesar Augustus, that all the world should be taxed.
2:2 (And this taxing was first made when Cyrenius was governor of Syria.)
2:3 And all went to be taxed, every one into his own city.
2:4 And Joseph also went up from Galilee, out of the city of Nazareth, into Judaea, unto the city of David, which is called Bethlehem; (because he was of the house and lineage of David:)
2:5 To be taxed with Mary his espoused wife, being great with Child.
2:6 And so it was, that, while they were there, the days were accomplished that she should be delivered.
2:7 And she brought forth her firstborn Son, and wrapped Him in swaddling clothes, and laid Him in a manger; because there was no room for them in the inn.
2:8 And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night.
2:9 And, lo, the angel of the LORD came upon them, and the glory of the LORD shone round about them: and they were sore afraid.
2:10 And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people.
2:11 For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ the LORD.
2:12 And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the Babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger.
2:13 And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying,
2:14 Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.
2:15 And it came to pass, as the angels were gone away from them into Heaven, the shepherds said one to another, Let us now go even unto Bethlehem, and see this thing which is come to pass, which the LORD hath made known unto us.
2:16 And they came with haste, and found Mary, and Joseph, and the Babe lying in a manger.
2:17 And when they had seen it, they made known abroad the saying which was told them concerning this Child.
2:18 And all they that heard it wondered at those things which were told them by the shepherds.
2:19 But Mary kept all these things, and pondered them in her heart.
2:20 And the shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all the things that they had heard and seen, as it was told unto them.
2:21 And when eight days were accomplished for the circumcising of the Child, His Name was called JESUS, which was so named of the angel before He was conceived in the womb.

Matthew 2:1 Now when Jesus was born in Bethlehem of Judea in the days of Herod the king, behold, there came wise men from the east to Jerusalem,
2:2 saying, Where is he that is born King of the Jews? for we have seen his star in the east, and are come to worship him.
2:3 When Herod the king had heard these things, he was troubled, and all Jerusalem with him.
2:4 And when he had gathered all the chief priests and scribes of the people together, he demanded of them where Christ should be born.
2:5 And they said unto him, In Bethlehem of Judea: for thus it is written by the prophet,
2:6 And thou Bethlehem, in the land of Judah, art not the least among the princes of Judah:
for out of thee shall come a Governor, that shall rule my people Israel.
2:7 Then Herod, when he had privily called the wise men, inquired of them diligently what time the star appeared.
2:8 And he sent them to Bethlehem, and said, Go and search diligently for the young child; and when ye have found him, bring me word again, that I may come and worship him also.
2:9 When they had heard the king, they departed; and, lo, the star, which they saw in the east, went before them, till it came and stood over where the young child was.
2:10 When they saw the star, they rejoiced with exceeding great joy.
2:11 And when they were come into the house, they saw the young child with Mary his mother, and fell down, and worshipped him: and when they had opened their treasures, they presented unto him gifts; gold, and frankincense, and myrrh.
***
I hope you have a safe, happy, and healthy Christmas filled with God's love for us and the love of your family and friends. Have a wonderful day.

Oakleaf Harbor Christmas Cards now on sale!
Buy Floozy and Other Stories at Amazon.com
Buy Floozy and Other Stories at Barnes&Noble.com
Buy Floozy and Other Stories in paperback at Lulu.com
Buy Floozy and Other Stories in hardcover at Lulu.com
Buy Murder by Dewey Decimal at Amazon.com
Buy Murder by Dewey Decimal at Barnes&Noble.com
Buy Murder by Dewey Decimal at BooksAMillion.com
Buy Murder by Dewey Decimal at Lulu.com
Buy Murder by the Acre at Amazon.com
Buy Murder by the Acre at Barnes&Noble.com

Buy Murder by the Acre at BooksAMillion.com
Buy Murder by the Acre in soft cover at Lulu.com

Buy Murder by the Acre in hardcover at Lulu.com

Buy Floozy, MBTA & MBDD items and more at Oakleaf Harbor

Friday, December 23, 2011

HSCC 2011.23: Underwear jobs

And for today, the 23rd day of the Harbor Street Christmas Celebration 2011, we share ... well, it's hard to describe. You should just read it.
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Stuff envelopes while only wearing your underwear for $$$

By Stephen Bagley

         I’ve been looking at self-employment opportunities. There are all sorts of opportunities out there. You can stuff envelopes, sell timeshares, do phone sales (and in some cases actually sell phones), sell foreclosure information, etc. In all these diverse and mostly unbelievable offers, I found a common thread. They all seem to have a line somewhere in their brochures like this: “You can go to work in your underwear!”
         Now that made me curious. Other than people who work in Las Vegas, is there a large segment of society who go to work only in their underwear? And is that a goal a civilized society should be working for?
         I think going to work only in your underwear is a good example of casual Friday gone terribly wrong. Just the idea of seeing my former coworkers in their underwear is enough to give me the dancing heebie-jeebies. There’s a lot to be said for clothes. Particularly since they cover our flabby, pale, pimply, blemished, scarred, stretched, misshapen, and sometimes tattooed bodies.
         Speaking of tattoos, they're not right for me. I can barely manage to date the same woman for more than six months at a time before her sweet, endearing little quirks make me want to push her down the stairs; do you think I want a picture of a flaming skull on my chest for the rest of my life? (Just in case, that’s too subtle: I don’t.) And don't get me started about that guy who had the entire New Testament tattooed on his body. There are certain places Bible verses should not be, and armpits are among them.
         If you didn’t wear clothes to work, you’d have to fight about the thermostat setting all the time because your office would either be too cold or too hot for different people. You have to worry about sharp objects on your chair piercing your tender skin. And you might learn that hairy Ed in accounting wears Hello Kitty underpants, but did you really want to know that? I don’t think so.
         Some of the work-at-home brochures don't mention underwear, of course. Those say you can work at home in your sweatpants and/or pajamas. Once again, there’s that idea that wearing clothes is a bad thing. Apparently the work-at-home people are all closet nudists. Remember that kid who always seemed to lose his swimsuit on campouts? He’s working at home now.
         Admittedly, I’m not the person to ask about nudity. As has been pointed out more than once, I’m basically a prude. One friend once told me that he thought I had been born middle-aged. While there is some truth to that, I’d like to point out that, if I ever ran for President of the United States, the media would find little if anything racy to report and might be forced to focus on the real issues. Ha ha ha. Yeah, I laughed at the idea of a responsible media, too.
         There are at least two nudist camps in Oklahoma. You might be wondering how I know that — yes, you were. When I worked as editor for the OSU newspaper, two or three reporters would come to me and want to do a story about the camps. I’d always agree, but they never turned in a story. The camps value their privacy and don’t allow interviews or photographers.
         Being raised in the country, I know too much about ticks, chiggers, poison ivy, bees, hornets, rabid skunks, etc., to ever want to be naked outside. I think nudists are — and I hope I don’t offend any of my family, I really hope that — bonkers. But I’m a prude. And somewhat proud of it.
         The other selling point of the brochures is the money. Money, money, money. They say you can make thousands of dollars a week by using their secrets. You can change your life for the better. You can own a fancy car, a huge house, and take fantastic vacations. And all they need from you is your credit card number and expiration date.
         Oddly enough, they won’t let you use their secrets and then pay them. You have to pay them first. This seems to imply they don’t trust you, but who can blame them? It’s hard to trust someone who’s sitting around the house all day in their underwear.

Copyright 2011 by Stephen B. Bagley. Excerpted from Return of the Floozy. All rights reserved. No copying without express written permission from the author and publisher.
***********************
See you tomorrow!

Oakleaf Harbor Christmas Cards now on sale!
Buy Floozy and Other Stories at Amazon.com
Buy Floozy and Other Stories at Barnes&Noble.com
Buy Floozy and Other Stories in paperback at Lulu.com
Buy Floozy and Other Stories in hardcover at Lulu.com
Buy Murder by Dewey Decimal at Amazon.com
Buy Murder by Dewey Decimal at Barnes&Noble.com
Buy Murder by Dewey Decimal at BooksAMillion.com
Buy Murder by Dewey Decimal at Lulu.com
Buy Murder by the Acre at Amazon.com
Buy Murder by the Acre at Barnes&Noble.com

Buy Murder by the Acre at BooksAMillion.com
Buy Murder by the Acre in soft cover at Lulu.com

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Buy Floozy, MBTA & MBDD items and more at Oakleaf Harbor

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

HSCC 2011.21: A Christmas Poem

Welcome to the 21st day of the Harbor Street Christmas Celebration 2011! Today we'll share that Christmas poem that most people know of and know some of.
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Twas the Night before Christmas
(AKA A Visit from St. Nicholas)

By Clement Clarke Moore

Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that St Nicholas soon would be there.

The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of sugar-plums danced in their heads.
And mamma in her ‘kerchief, and I in my cap,
Had just settled our brains for a long winter’s nap.

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.

The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below.
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer.

With a little old driver, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment it must be St Nick.
More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name!

"Now Dasher! now, Dancer! now, Prancer and Vixen!
On, Comet! On, Cupid! on, on Donner and Blitzen!
To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!
Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!"

As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky.
So up to the house-top the coursers they flew,
With the sleigh full of Toys, and St Nicholas too.

And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.
As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
Down the chimney St Nicholas came with a bound.

He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot.
A bundle of Toys he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a peddler, just opening his pack.

His eyes-how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow.

The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,
And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath.
He had a broad face and a little round belly,
That shook when he laughed, like a bowlful of jelly!

He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,
And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself!
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread.

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And filled all the stockings, then turned with a jerk.
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose!

He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
But I heard him exclaim, ‘ere he drove out of sight,
"Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good-night!" 

*********************
See you tomorrow.

Oakleaf Harbor Christmas Cards now on sale!
Buy Floozy and Other Stories at Amazon.com
Buy Floozy and Other Stories at Barnes&Noble.com
Buy Floozy and Other Stories in paperback at Lulu.com
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Buy Murder by Dewey Decimal at Amazon.com
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Buy Murder by Dewey Decimal at BooksAMillion.com
Buy Murder by Dewey Decimal at Lulu.com
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Buy Murder by the Acre in soft cover at Lulu.com

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Buy Floozy, MBTA & MBDD items and more at Oakleaf Harbor

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

HSCC 2011.20: The Empty Innkeeper

Welcome to the 20th day of the Harbor Street Christmas Celebration! Today we'll share another Tale of Bethlehem.
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Tales of Bethlehem:
The Tale of the Empty Innkeeper

By Stephen B. Bagley

       Let us talk, good Manius Cassius. It will make the leagues go faster as we travel. Let me tell you a story from my life. You may find it illuminating.
       My name is Keloe Diodorus. I am an innkeeper. I see you’ve heard of me. I’d like to think you’ve heard about my inn and how we treat travelers with the utmost care unless they don’t pay and then we break their knees. Ha, ha. Just kidding. We’ve never broken any knees because they sneak out before we can catch them. My good wife Sapphira suggested we tie everyone to their beds, but that idea didn’t seem to sit easy with anyone.
       Anyway, as I was saying, I’d like to think you’ve heard of Keloe’s Inn in Bethlehem. It’s not perfect, of course, and I have been accused of possessing an excessive zeal for cleanliness since I require my employees to bathe once a week whether they need it or not and we wash our dishes once a month or if flies become a problem. And we do NOT serve rat — although if we did, my cook Linos would dip it in a grain and honey batter and fry it in olive oil. Delicious! Not that I’ve had it before, of course. We don’t serve rat, having fortunately found a supplier of that rarest of creatures, four-legged chickens.
       But of course, you’ve not heard of my excellent Inn — just inside Bethlehem across from the Roman road, turn left at the marker stone, we’ll leave a lamp burning for you — no, what you’ve heard is that I made a young couple spend the night in my stable. What’s worse, as you’ve doubtlessly been told by people who wouldn’t know the truth if it bit them on their brazen bottoms, is that the woman was great with child, and she was forced by my heartless actions to have her child out among the animals. Well, I am here to set the record straight, I tell you!
       I remember that night well. We were crowded. Crowded to the rafters. See, Caesar Augustus had send out orders that everyone had to return to their hometown so that they could be counted and taxed. I have no idea why he required everyone to return to their hometown. I hear tell that it was because Rome was overflowing with everyone except Romans so Caesar and the Roman Senate thought they could empty the streets of the riffraff and have the steam houses and baths to themselves. Didn’t work, of course, since they hadn’t considered all the Romans who would be returning to Rome due to the decree, Romans who had picked up all sorts of barbarian ways. Typical of government to create a new problem while attempting to fix an old one.
       So we were crowded. Why, people were sleeping six to a bed and ten to a pallet. And they were paying through the nose — I mean, paying a competitive reasonable price. Our wine was flowing like water — not that it’s watered down. That’s another rumor spread by Nero. Nero owns the Seven Seas Inn in Bethlehem and likes to boast of his salad dressing. It is good, but otherwise, his food isn’t fit to serve to a sickly slave. You have to know the town was crowded when I tell you that even the Seven Seas was full up.
       We were busy, and to my regret, I had to turn people away. The bedrooms, the main room, the servants’ holes, everywhere we had people. I was bringing another amphora of wine to a table of particularly thirsty Greeks when Dora Ruth, one of our serving girls, yelled, “Keloe, there’s someone at the door. Wants a room. I says we ain’t got none, but he wants to talk to you.”
       “Tell him to go away!” I yelled back, but she had bustled back to the kitchen. As I threaded my way through the crowd, I tried to figure out one more place to put some people. And to my eternal credit, I considered the outhouse only for a moment. Or two. Not long.
       I went to the open door, intending to send whoever it was quickly on their way because I was too busy to bother with people who would not be crossing my palm with coin.
       “On your way,” I told the young man. “We have no room.”
       “Sir, please,” the man pleaded. “My wife ...” He motioned behind him, and I noticed her. A pretty young girl, clearly with child, sat wearily on a small, run-down donkey. 
       “No room,” I said again.
       “Surely there’s somewhere!” the man insisted.
       I pulled my stomach up. “There is no room. Go on down the road. Try Nero’s.” I eyed their clothes. “You look their type.”
       The donkey, probably hungry, brayed and headed toward our stable. Then I got a great idea. “You can stay in our stable if you’d like,” I said. “But at full price.”
       The man agreed gratefully and turned to his wife. 
       I yelled for the stable boy. “Gregor, take these people to the stable. We have no room here.”
       The dimwit boy rolled his eyes at me, but he did what he was told. I closed the door, nodding in satisfaction. My good wife Sapphira would be pleased with the extra coin. I spent the rest of the night, carrying wine back and forth, breaking up disagreements, and generally working myself to the very bone. 
       So you understand now that sending them to the stable was all I could do. There was no room in our inn. And much later I would realize there was no room in our hearts, either.
       The next day, after the couple had left, I learned all sorts of crazy things happened at the stable the night before. The baby was born, shepherds and their flocks showed up to worship him, and Magi from the East came galloping up on their camels. I was told angels appeared, and a huge star shone overhead. I can’t vouch for all of this, but I know the sheep and camels were there because they left evidence, if you know what I mean. 
       And there’s this: All those who saw the child had their lives changed. My stable boy and one of my serving girls, my cook, the shepherds, the Magi, all of them were changed.
       But not me. I never saw the child.
       No, I stayed inside serving my customers, fetching wine and roasted meats, praising the drunken Roman soldiers and the educated Greeks. My wife and I went to bed late that night, pleased with the coins we had earned, delighted with the good life they would purchase for us.
       The next day the couple departed, going on to the home of their relatives they told my stable boy. The man actually gave Gregor a gold coin! Where did he get gold? They looked so poor.
       My wife said I should be happy. We made money. That’s what counts, she said. And we do have money. Our inn has flourished during the thirty or so years since that night. I have many servants and slaves. I have everything this world can offer. But I am empty. I am hollow. My soul cries out for more.
       So today I am traveling with you and all these other pilgrims to hear the words of this new prophet. This Jesus who heals the sick and raises the dead and offers living water. I tell you, my friend, I am determined I will be empty no more.

Copyright 2011 by Stephen B. Bagley. All rights reserved. Excerpted from Tales from Bethlehem. All rights reserved. No copying without express written permission from the author and publisher.
********************
See you tomorrow!
Oakleaf Harbor Christmas Cards now on sale!
Buy Floozy and Other Stories at Amazon.com
Buy Floozy and Other Stories at Barnes&Noble.com
Buy Floozy and Other Stories in paperback at Lulu.com
Buy Floozy and Other Stories in hardcover at Lulu.com
Buy Murder by Dewey Decimal at Amazon.com
Buy Murder by Dewey Decimal at Barnes&Noble.com
Buy Murder by Dewey Decimal at BooksAMillion.com
Buy Murder by Dewey Decimal at Lulu.com
Buy Murder by the Acre at Amazon.com
Buy Murder by the Acre at Barnes&Noble.com

Buy Murder by the Acre at BooksAMillion.com
Buy Murder by the Acre in soft cover at Lulu.com

Buy Murder by the Acre in hardcover at Lulu.com

Buy Floozy, MBTA & MBDD items and more at Oakleaf Harbor

Monday, December 19, 2011

HSCC 2011.19: Anti-Customer Service Tips

And now, for the 19th day of the Harbor Street Christmas Celebration 2011, we're going to share a few Customer Service Tips that will doubtlessly help you during these holiday shopping days if you work retail or in any other way interact with the public.

From The Anti-Customer Service Training Manual 

Customer Service Tip #13: Not only is the customer not always right, sometimes they are batweasel crazy. When this happens, take a deep breath and remember they're not worth you going to prison.

Customer Service Tip #56: It's not your customer's fault he/she is loathsome. That's what happens when first cousins marry. Be kind.

Customer Service Tip #87: I don't care what Willy in Receiving says; drinking when you're busy on your job is a bad thing. For one thing, you might get fired ... Wait, let me think about this some more.

Customer Service Tip #134: In most social circles, it's considered impolite to leap the service counter and snatch your customer baldheaded. Remember this, and you'll be welcome everywhere.

Customer Service Tip #159: If the customer has money and you'll do anything to get it, this means conventional wisdom is wrong: Customer service IS the oldest profession in the world.

Customer Service Tip #176: Bad breath and body odor will only drive away the most sensitive customers. It's not worth the risk of tooth decay and disease. So go ahead and brush your teeth and shower once in a while. Deodorant is, of course, optional.

Customer Service Tip #211: Bitterness is never attractive. Learn to fake sincerity, and your customers will love you until you turn on them like a mad badger and gnaw their legs off.

Customer Service Tip #236: Never tell a customer you're going to have him/her hunted down and killed in the street like a dog. It will upset them. No, let it be a total surprise when it happens.


Copyright 20011 by Stephen B. Bagley. Excerpted from The Anti-Customer Service Training Manual. All rights reserved.
*******************
See you tomorrow!

Oakleaf Harbor Christmas Cards now on sale!
Buy Floozy and Other Stories at Amazon.com
Buy Floozy and Other Stories at Barnes&Noble.com
Buy Floozy and Other Stories in paperback at Lulu.com
Buy Floozy and Other Stories in hardcover at Lulu.com
Buy Murder by Dewey Decimal at Amazon.com
Buy Murder by Dewey Decimal at Barnes&Noble.com
Buy Murder by Dewey Decimal at BooksAMillion.com
Buy Murder by Dewey Decimal at Lulu.com
Buy Murder by the Acre at Amazon.com
Buy Murder by the Acre at Barnes&Noble.com

Buy Murder by the Acre at BooksAMillion.com
Buy Murder by the Acre in soft cover at Lulu.com

Buy Murder by the Acre in hardcover at Lulu.com

Buy Floozy, MBTA & MBDD items and more at Oakleaf Harbor

Sunday, December 18, 2011

HSCC 2011.18: DANGER! DANGER!

For the 18th of the Harbor Street Christmas Celebration, we talk of the dangers of Christmas crafting ... with me.
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Danger During the Holidays!

By Stephen B. Bagley

      It was a few days before Christmas last year, and I was talking to Linda on the phone. "Do you want to come over and help me with my Christmas crafts?" I asked.
      "Good heavens, NO!" she shouted. "I'd rather strip naked and run through a rose garden that's been sprayed with lemon juice."
      "What time will you be here?" I asked.
      "I'd rather to be strapped to the speakers at a bagpipe concert," she said.
      "Is that yes or no?" I asked. "I don't understand."
      "You're not trying to," she said. "Rather than crafting with you, I'd sit through the presidental debates again! Sober!"
      "I'm beginning to get the odd feeling that you might perhaps be reluctant," I said. "Why is that?"
      "Because it's dangerous," she said. "People get hurt when you do crafts."
      I sighed. "Is Adam complaining about his eyebrows again?"
      "Stephen, they fell off!"
      "Actually, they peeled off," I said. "And I told him not to stand over the chemicals when we were etching glass. Well, I meant to tell him."
      "And about Cynthia?"
      "That was an accident," I said. "I had no idea enough paint fumes had accumulated to explode. But she'll be out of the bodycast in a couple of month. Personally, I think she's enjoying the rest despite her threats and the attempts to have me snuffed."
      "Yes, there's nothing more restful than having nurses turn you every hour and orderlies feed you through a straw," Linda said.
      "So you'll come over?" I asked.
      "Not that I'm agreeing, but what exactly are you going to be doing?"
      "Just papercraft," I said. "There's nothing dangerous in papercraft. We'll be tearing up paper and mixing the pieces with water and a few chemicals, most of which aren't toxic."
      "Well, I guess ... What do you mean most?! she snapped. "No, no, NO! Papercraft is out."
      "We could make Christmas candles," I said. "Those make good gifts."
      "Didn't you have a wax explosion a couple of months ago?" she asked.
      "No one was seriously hurt, and my kitchen has already been repaired," I said. "If I could find my cat, everything would be fine. I tried to follow the smoke trail she left, but the wind was high and I lost her around Oak Street."
      "No candles," she said firmly. "Don't you do wooden projects?"
      I used to," I said. "But the police took away my electric saw after that regrettable incident when I was trying to help those nuns repair a pew and I sneezed."
      "Oh, yeah, I forgot," she said. "Do you still get hate mail from Sister Mary Margaret?"
      "Just hate postcards now," I said. "I think she's getting over her anger. I hope so. It can't be good for her spiritual growth."
      "What about painting?" she suggested. "I mean, watercolor painting. Yeah, watercolors are safe. I couldn't get hurt doing watercolors."
      "Okay, we'll do that," I said happily. "Come on over."
      Later that night as we huddled under a blanket provided by the fire department, she glared at me. "How oh how did the watercolors catch fire?!" she asked.
      "Well, I thought they looked a little thick," I said. "So I thought I'd try thinning them with alcohol." 
      She didn't say anything. 
      "I think short hair is a good look for you," I said brightly.
      Fortunately they were able to pull her off me before she could finish choking me. Because she's a friend, I didn't press charges.

Copyright 2010 by Stephen B. Bagley. Excerpted from Floozy & Other Stories. All rights reserved. No copying without express prior written permission from the author and publisher.
******************
See you tomorrow!

Oakleaf Harbor Christmas Cards now on sale!
Buy Floozy and Other Stories at Amazon.com
Buy Floozy and Other Stories at Barnes&Noble.com
Buy Floozy and Other Stories in paperback at Lulu.com
Buy Floozy and Other Stories in hardcover at Lulu.com
Buy Murder by Dewey Decimal at Amazon.com
Buy Murder by Dewey Decimal at Barnes&Noble.com
Buy Murder by Dewey Decimal at BooksAMillion.com
Buy Murder by Dewey Decimal at Lulu.com
Buy Murder by the Acre at Amazon.com
Buy Murder by the Acre at Barnes&Noble.com

Buy Murder by the Acre at BooksAMillion.com
Buy Murder by the Acre in soft cover at Lulu.com

Buy Murder by the Acre in hardcover at Lulu.com

Buy Floozy, MBTA & MBDD items and more at Oakleaf Harbor

Saturday, December 17, 2011

HSCC 2011.17: December darkness

For the 17th day of the Harbor Street Christmas Celebration 2011, I want to talk about December darkness. I struggle with it. I know many people do.

It annoys me that depression doesn't leave us alone at the holidays. One of the reasons I try to celebrate Christmas with such abandon is to hold off the gloom. So I buy presents, put up lights, decorate my tree, display my Christmas village, send Christmas cards, watch Christmas specials, go watch Christmas choirs and plays, and generally make myself too busy to think about failures and losses. Yes, I know, not very Christmasy, but true nonetheless.

I know people who dislike the holidays because it reminds them of what they don't have, be it loving family or someone who passed on or the money to buy their kids the latest gadgets. A friend of mine who lost her mother at Christmas many years ago still holds Christmas responsible. She doesn't celebrate it. In fact, she hates it. I mostly avoid her during this time of year, or if I see her, I make sure we discuss everything except Christmas. And my Christmases are less because both of my parents are gone now. I feel their loss keenly during the holidays.

During the holidays, I try to avoid people who enjoy sharing their misery. I have friends who have made discouragement into their daily diet. They say they don't want to bring anyone else down, but they do. Oh, they're funny and cynical and modern, but I have to stay away from them because my darkness doesn't need feeding. Maybe the difference is -- or the reason why they can be so cynical without it affecting them -- is my darkness has teeth. It's hurt me both physically and mentally in the past. While I'm miles away from that bleak point now, I'm still close enough to see how easy it would be to fall into the abyss.

So I celebrate Christmas. That one light in the darkness, the lowly manger, the Child King. There's a lot of hope in that stable if you can make it past all the things we put in front of it. An abundance of joy. A promise of a better day dawning. And a glorious star to raise our gaze to the heavens above. Bear with me if you think I overdo Christmas and remember why. And if you want to join me, then come on. Together we'll have a great holiday despite ourselves.

Talk to you tomorrow.

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Thursday, December 15, 2011

HSCC 2011.15: Prayers from the past

For the 15th day of HSCC 2011, we offer several prayers from famous people.
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A Christmas Prayer

We thank you for this place in which we dwell,
for the love that unites us,
for the peace accorded us this day,
for the hope with which we expect the morrow,
for the work, the health, the food,
and the bright skies which make our lives delightful
for our friends in all parts of the earth.

Robert Louis Stevenson (1850-1894)

Christmas Prayer of Pope John XXIII

O sweet Child of Bethlehem,
grant that we may share with all our hearts
in this profound mystery of Christmas.
Put into the hearts of men and women this peace
for which they sometimes seek so desperately
and which you alone can give to them.
Help them to know one another better,
and to live as brothers and sisters,
children of the same Father.
Reveal to them also your beauty, holiness and purity.
Awaken in their hearts
love and gratitude for your infinite goodness.
Join them all together in your love.
And give us your heavenly peace. Amen.

Pope John XXIII (1881-1963)

Nativity Prayer of St. Augustine

Let the just rejoice,
for their justifier is born.
Let the sick and infirm rejoice,
For their saviour is born.
Let the captives rejoice,
For their Redeemer is born.
Let slaves rejoice,
for their Master is born.
Let free men rejoice,
For their Liberator is born.
Let All Christians rejoice,
For Jesus Christ is born.

St. Augustine of Hippo (AD 354-440)

Christmas dinner prayer by Martin Luther

Ah, dearest Jesus, holy Child,
Make thee a bed, soft, undefiled,
Within my heart, that it may be
A quiet chamber kept for Thee.

My heart for very joy doth leap,
My lips no more can silence keep,
I too must sing, with joyful tongue,
That sweetest ancient song,

Glory to God in highest heaven,
Who unto man His Son hath given
While angels sing with pious mirth.
A glad new year to all the earth!

Martin Luther (1483-1546)
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Talk to you tomorrow!

Oakleaf Harbor Christmas Cards now on sale!
Buy Floozy and Other Stories at Amazon.com
Buy Floozy and Other Stories at Barnes&Noble.com
Buy Floozy and Other Stories in paperback at Lulu.com
Buy Floozy and Other Stories in hardcover at Lulu.com
Buy Murder by Dewey Decimal at Amazon.com
Buy Murder by Dewey Decimal at Barnes&Noble.com
Buy Murder by Dewey Decimal at BooksAMillion.com
Buy Murder by Dewey Decimal at Lulu.com
Buy Murder by the Acre at Amazon.com
Buy Murder by the Acre at Barnes&Noble.com

Buy Murder by the Acre at BooksAMillion.com
Buy Murder by the Acre in soft cover at Lulu.com

Buy Murder by the Acre in hardcover at Lulu.com

Buy Floozy, MBTA & MBDD items and more at Oakleaf Harbor

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

HSCC 2011.14: 12 Things Twice

Welcome to the 14th day of the Harbor Street Christmas Celebration 2011! Today we share 12 Annoying Things and 12 Wonderful Things about Christmas. (Yes, somethings I get wound up about things. Bear with me.)
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12 Annoying Things about Christmas
      1. People who talk about the commercialism of Christmas like they're being sophisticated. Look, back in the 1920s, they were bemoaning the commercial aspects of Christmas. It's nothing new. We live in a crass, profit-oriented society. Less than 48 hours after 9/11, companies were selling "commemorative" items. That's just the way some people are. Get over it. Don't give them any airtime. And don't use the commercialism of Christmas as an excuse for your lack of generosity. There are a lot of soup kitchens, homeless shelters and other charities that always need your help. Rather than just talk about how everyone has lost the true meaning of Christmas, why don't you go out there and show it to everyone.
      2. The whole Happy Holidays/Merry Christmas mess that has been reported exhaustedly by TV, newspaper and bloggers. Seriously, do you think saying Happy Holidays makes anyone forget it's Christmas? Do you think calling names and generally behaving like a jerk makes anyone feel like it's Christmas? Do I think it's right for retailers to remove mention of Christmas? No, but I don't expect retailers to spread the Gospel. Guess what? They're trying to make a living. If I don't like their policies, I don't have to shop with them. And I won't.
      3. People who get upset by Nativity scenes on public property. Don't they have any real problems? We've got starving, poor, homeless people who are sick and need help. We have children going to bed hungry in the United States. We have rampant drug use that is decimating our young people and draining society. And you want me to be upset because your poor little eyes were offended by a Nativity scene? What complete, utter nonsense. Our courts should be ashamed to even hear such cases.
      4. Anyone who doesn't give to a charity because they've decided that charities are corrupt. Here's a lesson in the real world, bucko: Charities are ran by people. Some people are corrupt. There will be corruption in any human endeavor. That's the way of the world. But you can do a bit of research and discover what charities give more of their donations to their causes. You can make sensible decisions about your charitable giving. But if you still want to hang onto your money, then once again, haul yourself to your nearest homeless shelter. Make the world a better place that way. Side note: I particularly detest people who decide that the homeless are lazy and deserve to starve. A lot of the homeless, a third at last count, are children below the age of eight. Exactly what did they do to deserve to starve? Another side note: Anyone who justifies not helping the poor because the Bible says the poor will always be with us should be beaten. I don't have words to express my contempt for that lazy, selfish, smug attitude. One last side note: If you're broke, you're broke. Give what you can when you can. We can only do what we can do. But we should do that.
      5. Rock, rap and pop stars who insist on singing carols but have to add their own special touch. While driving to work today, I heard a pop star sing Silent Night on the radio with many moans, ahhh's, soft sighs and general all-around grandstanding. I wasn't sure if she was singing a carol or giving a mating call. Then I heard a hard guitar version of Come All Ye, Faithful. I turned off the radio. I won't turn it back on until it's safe.
      6. People who sing the praises of snow. It's cold, wet, makes roads dangerous, kills animals and people. I rate it up there with the flu.
      7. Speaking of wet, cold and dangerous, why don't people slow down when it's icy? WHY? Four-wheel drive doesn't make you invulnerable, folks. SLOW DOWN.
      8. Any more animated specials about Santa's early life. We now have The Adventures of Santa, Young Santa Claus, The True Story of Santa Claus, Mrs. Claus, Santa and His Reindeer, Santa and the Magic Flute, The Year Without Santa Claus, etc. Next up: Santa VS. Alien and Santa and The Wise Guys. Enough already. 
      9. Christmas cards without return addresses. Don't make me look it up. Put the return address on the envelope. That's all I'm asking.
      10. Surly clerks. I know your job isn't fun at the holidays. I'm sorry about that. But don’t take it out on me. It's not my fault. Just let me make my purchases and leave and no one gets hurt.
      11. Anyone who has to share the pagan origins of Christmas like they're imparting some new earthshaking wisdom. That's old news, folks. Not very interesting news at that. Recently a pastor I know spent his Sunday morning giving us the pagan putdown. I debated several times about walking out, but annoying good manners kept me in the pew listen to him babble on about what things meant centuries ago. It doesn't really matter what they thought in the 9th century. It matters what we think now. 
      12. Bloggers that produce lists of things that annoy them about Christmas. That's the most annoying thing of all.
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12 Wonderful Things About Christmas
      1. Presents. I like getting them. I like giving them. Here are some inexpensive gift ideas: Candles, candy bars, six-packs of favorite soft drinks, chocolate-chip cookies, small picture frames, bookmarks, Christmas ornaments, decorative computer printer paper, hand lotion, etc. We have a tendency to think that good presents have to cost a lot of money. They don't. Something to show that you're thinking of them this holiday season is all that is needed for your co-workers, friends, etc. It's not about the money.
      2. Lights. I love Christmas lights. I like to drive around my town and see all the displays. I appreciate the hard work that went into them. I like the way the way the lights gleam in the night. It's a metaphor for what Christmas really is about.
      3. Shopping. It's where I catch the bustle and hustle of the season. Yeah, it's hurried, and it makes my feet hurt. But I like thinking of people and what they might like.
      4. Christmas bags. Oh, I still wrap a few gifts, but otherwise, brightly colored bags have freed me of hours of wrapping.
      5. Carols. I like singing them. I like hearing them.
      6. Church and school Christmas children's programs. Nothing is as sweet or as funny. Makes my heart melt. No apologies for that.
      7. The way people will give more during this time to the needy. It's like we're reminded of how blessed we are and how much we really have. So we share. Some people say that it's guilt. I don't believe that's true for most of us. I believe it's compassion. It's where we show that we have incredible potential as a species. It's where we justify our existence.
      8. Food. I love turkey and dressing, pineapple adorned ham, fluffy garlic and chive mashed potatoes, fresh green salad, golden pumpkin pies … Hmmmmm ….
      9. Get-togethers with friends. We're all busy, we're all tired, we're all broke, but we all enjoy sharing time and raising a cup of cider together.
      10. Family time. They make me crazy at times, but I wouldn't give up any one of them. We're connected by blood and history. We're loud, opinionated, funny and brash. We love as hard as we fight. We're family. And that's that.
      11. Quiet, worshipful Midnight Masses and other church Christmas services. It's a time of quiet in this incredibly busy season. I remember sitting in the local Catholic Church at Midnight Night Mass a couple of Christmases ago as the day became new and listening to the silence between the prayers and songs. I felt renewed in spirit and grateful for the many undeserved blessings in my life.
      12. Nativity scenes. The heart of the mystery. The God coming to earth in the form of a babe. Remembrances that we were loved enough for someone to give up glory for us. The beginning of a journey that would change a world. A light in the darkness. A star in the ebony sky. A gift to humanity.
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See you tomorrow!

Oakleaf Harbor Christmas Cards now on sale!
Buy Floozy and Other Stories at Amazon.com
Buy Floozy and Other Stories at Barnes&Noble.com
Buy Floozy and Other Stories in paperback at Lulu.com
Buy Floozy and Other Stories in hardcover at Lulu.com
Buy Murder by Dewey Decimal at Amazon.com
Buy Murder by Dewey Decimal at Barnes&Noble.com
Buy Murder by Dewey Decimal at BooksAMillion.com
Buy Murder by Dewey Decimal at Lulu.com
Buy Murder by the Acre at Amazon.com
Buy Murder by the Acre at Barnes&Noble.com

Buy Murder by the Acre at BooksAMillion.com
Buy Murder by the Acre in soft cover at Lulu.com

Buy Murder by the Acre in hardcover at Lulu.com

Buy Floozy, MBTA & MBDD items and more at Oakleaf Harbor