Wednesday, April 29, 2009

ABC's of me

I actually received this meme on Facebook, but I'm doing it over here. So there, all you Facebook fanatics!

A - Age? 40 something.

B - Bed Size? Full. I'd like a king size because I'm king size myself, but my bedroom is too small.

C - Chore You Hate? Dusting and doing dishes.

D - Dog Name? Haven't owned one since my beloved Tai Ling passed away. She was a large part of my life, and I haven't wanted to get another one.

E - Essential Start Your Day Item? Taking my blood sugar.

F - Favorite Color? Dark green or blue.

G - Gold Or Silver? Silver.

H - Height? Around 5'10" if I'd stand up straight.

I - Instruments You Play? The computer with a tiny bit of piano and a bit of trumpet.

J - Job Title? Office Manager.

K - Kid(s)? None of my own that I know of, but I claim several and I have awesome nieces and a fantastic nephew and a totally cool grandniece.

L - Living Arrangements? House. Three small bedrooms. One living room. Combined kitchen and dining area. One bathroom. I like my little house, but wish I had enough space to carve out another bathroom.

M - Mom's Name? Annamay. And I miss her.

N - Nicknames? None. At least none that anyone dares to say to my face.

O - Overnight hospital stay other than birth? Yes. Twice, I think. Hope I never have another one.

P - Pet Peeve? I like most animals, but cannot understand why people buy animals and then ignore and neglect them.

Q - Quote From A Movie? "I'm a match for anything. Aren't you?" Henry from The Lion in Winter as played by Peter O'Toole.

R - Right Or Left Handed? Right.

S - Sibling? Two sisters and one brother.

T - Time You Wake Up? 6-7.

U - Underwear- what type? Cotton. And really, why are asking? A bit personal, that.

V - Vegetable You Dislike? Cabbage.

W - Ways You Run Late? Hate being late and would rather not go if I'm going to be late.

X - X-Rays You've Had? Many. I'm surprised I don't glow in the dark.

Y - Yummy Food You Make? I have this great chicken dish that I can make. It's got garlic, tomatoes, brown rice, chicken breasts, chives, mushrooms, etc. Delicious!

Z - Favorite Zoo animal? I don't really like zoos. I feel sorry for the animals. I do enjoy the OKC Zoo, though. I think they do a good job in providing a decent habitat for the animals.


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Tuesday, April 28, 2009

What I've been doing or other news of nothing

Well, I must post something. I’m assuming someone drops by this poor neglected blog sometimes, and they should be rewarded for their diligence. Not much to tell you, which is why I haven’t been posting as often as I should. Life is as it was: doctors, work, sleep, WoW, Chuck, etc. I do have another CT scan scheduled this Friday morning at Holdenville. Checking for tumors in my sinuses, facial structures, and neck. Whee. I don’t think anyone thinks we’ll actually find any. No, the doctors just want to look and be sure because, hey, I’m still coughing blood and they don’t know why, but they’re willing to spend every last cent I can beg and borrow to find out why. I’d kinda like to know that, too, you know.

What other news? Gail Claunts and I have finished 75 Dates for $25 or Less! and are now proofing it. It should be available from Lulu.com in early May, both as a book and as an e-book, and then from Amazon in June as a book and from Kindle in July. I hope.

Been questioned about 75 Dates a few times. With the bad economy, no one has money to throw around, unless, of course, they’re receiving bailout funds. Gail came up with the idea of writing a book that helped people figure out how to date within a budget. Yes, yes, yes, everyone has already pointed out the cheap date joke. Ha ha. Moving on. Gail wrote most of the book, and I provided some additional material and book formatting. We hope it will be useful and informative. Don’t let the lack of cash hinder ruin romance in your life.

Hey, this is good news: I met Jean of Rantings and Ravings! She was driving up north to spend time with family so she stopped in my small town to meet me. She, my roomie, my friend Kyra, and I all had dinner together at a local Mexican restaurant. She’s as charming, funny, and smart as she is on her blog, and we had a great time. I signed both Murder by the Acre and Murder by Dewey Decimal for her. I hope we can meet again. Now if I could just figure out how to get Frenzied Feline out here to Oklahoma …

Anyway, it's late and I'm tired. Have a great night and tomorrow. Talk to you then.

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Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Dirt Day!

Welcome to Earth Day. A day meant to make you feel guilty because -- let's be honest -- you're an untidy, unclean, energy wasting, stinkin' slob and it's time you faced up to it. And yes, I do mean you. Turn off a few lights, walk around the neighborhood, pick up trash, choose paper over plastic, recycle something! Or you will be doomed to spend eternity listening to Al Gore drone on and on and on and on and on and on ... Seriously, has anyone checked that man's pulse lately? I think his pacemaker needs to be revved up.

However, Al's not as boring as Biden. Biden has actually killed with people with boredom. Sure, some of them commit suicide, but Biden drove them to it. I think that's why the VP likes to throw out those outrageous comments when he speaks: to keep people awake. He'll be talking: "We need to look at the gross output of the nation so that we accustomize ourselves to the need to increase such output in a productive fashion blah blah blah (Let's bomb Texas and wear flashy high heels!) to offset non-useful activities ..."

Of course, I'm Baptist, and we're used to sitting still and not moving for long periods of time. My pastor likes to ask for "amens" when he's preaching, and it's not so much that he needs encouragement as he wants to make sure we're still breathing.

Anyway, the point of Earth Day is that we -- and by "we," I mean you -- are using too many valuable resources that should be preserved so that they can be used by me. No, no, no, just kidding. We're preserving those resources so that they can be used by our children and their children's children, even though we know they aren't going to come see us in the nursing home. Rotten kids with their video games and Twitter. Why don't I just Twitter my cane upside your head? What do you think of that, you punk!

I seem to have wandered off my point. I wonder where I am. Maybe we should call the nurse. No, wait, here I am. My point is that today is Earth Day, and we should all work to preserve the environment so that our children and their children and even their children won't blame us for turning this green earth into a dry cinder that looks like Sarah Palin's been in charge.

Here are a few quick tips:

1. Choose paper over plastic, except for breast implants. Most plastic bags are made of polyethylene and can take up to 1,000 years to biodegrade. I refuse to use anything that will outlast me.
2. Breathe shallowly so you won't put out so much CO2. In fact, give up exercise completely as that makes you breathe hard. (I'm going to see if my diabetes doctor buys this. I'll get back to you.) Conversely, you could plant a tree.
3. Enjoy sitting in the the dark. Or you could replace one light bulb with a compact fluorescent. CFs use 60% less energy and save 300 pounds of carbon dioxide per year per bulb. I don't know what CFs are saving the carbon dioxide for, but I'm sure it's really cool.
4. Turn your thermostat up two degrees in the summer and sweat a bit. Or if you're a woman, glow a bit. If you're confused, I was told once -- by a woman -- that men sweat, women glow. At my fitness center, some women glow so much you can smell them from 40 paces away.
5. Reduce, reuse, recycle. Reduce waste, reuse waste, recycle waste. Waste not, want not. Wasting away again in Margaritaville looking for my lost shaker of salt.
6. Walk, walk, walk. Don't drive that car. Walk everywhere! Or bicycle. I'll wave as I drive by. No, seriously, I would wave.
7. Don't buy bottled water. Or refill the bottle and use it more than once. Plastic bottles make up 3.6 billion pounds -- yes, I said billion -- each year in our landfills. I don't know who's counting them, but I wouldn't want that job.

And in conclusion on this glorious Earth Day, we need to recycle more and look at the gross output of the nation so that we accustomize ourselves to the need to increase such output in a productive enviromentally friendly fashion blah blah blah (Let's TP Ohio while dressed as our favorite character from the Buffyverse; I pick Giles!) to offset non-useful activities ..."

Happy Earth Day!

Copyright 2009 by Stephen B. Bagley. All rights reserved.

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Monday, April 20, 2009

I don't know. Yet.

So basically I don't know. That's going to be my answer for a while. For any question, I'm going to answer: I don't know.

I don't know how to fix the economy, but we should. Why are we going to make our children and their children pay our debt?

I don't know how to fix the environment, but we should. Why are we going to make our children and their children clean up our mess?

I don't know how to feed the starving children, but we should. Why are we letting children die?

I don't how to heal the sick, but we should. Why are we withholding care when we could ease suffering worldwide and in our own towns?

I don't know how to get us to stop killing each other, but we should. Why do we claim to be better than animals when we live by the law of teeth and claw?

I don't how to get us to tolerate beliefs different from our own, but we should. Why are we so afraid of what we don't know?

I don't know how to we can learn to love each other, but we should. Why is that so hard for us?

I don't know the answers. I'm tired of pretending I do. I'm exhausted from all the fighting and arguing and shouting and planning and recruiting and voting and all the other stuff we do. And I'm sick of all those people with their terribly concrete beliefs who won't be changed by any facts to the contrary because how it is now is how it's going to be because they won't change.

So I don't know. Can't think of how, what, where, who or why. For a while, I'm just going to be.

I'm going sit and not think and not fight and not argue and not shout and not plan and not recruit and not vote and not do all that other stuff.

For a while, I'm going to simply be.

And then I'm going to get up and we'll see what we will see. And if that don't cause a zero in your bones, you're not reading this close enough.


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Tuesday, April 14, 2009

A bit of news

Meant to post another enthralling and exciting adventure for you to read tonight. Instead I came home, ate Chinese food, and fell asleep until a few minutes ago. Sorry. I think this is a definite sign that I’m getting older. Or something like that.

Anyway, I’m hanging in there. I’m doing okay with the new meds, although I have to say that they don’t seem to be doing much yet. I take that back. One med is definitely working, but it’s not the major medication. The major medication isn’t doing what it’s supposed to be doing. At least not so far. Supposedly it takes time for these medicines to work – they start working as soon as your savings account is exhausted …

Sometime this week or the earlier part of next week, I should be ordering a proof of 75 Dates for $25 or Less!, the book written by Gail Claunts and myself. And then sometime next week or the week following, it should go on sale at Lulu.com. A few weeks after than, on Amazon.com and Barnes and Noble. And a few weeks after than, it will available for the Kindle, Amazon’s e-book reader. You’ll be hearing more about it as we get closer to its publication date.

That’s pretty much all the news tonight. It’s time for bed. You have a good night and good tomorrow. Or else.

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Monday, April 13, 2009

New shoes

I had a traumatic event happen this weekend – my old shoes finally fell apart. I had worn them down to nothing, and I finally noticed the soles on both had cracked across and were revealing their inner linings, like those show girls in old French revues, but with less kicking and shouting. The damage is too extensive; they can’t be repaired. I can’t bring myself to throw them out yet. They’re sitting on a chest in my bedroom. Later this week, I will steel myself and discard them. It may drive me to drink. (Obviously I can’t walk to drink because I have no shoes.)

I had that pair for nearly eight years now. They had been polished many times, but still looked good particularly compared to rags. And they were so comfortable. I wore them every day to work and around town and had a thousand and one adventures in them, some of which I can even share in mixed company and in the hearing of law enforcement.

Now I’m having to wear my church shoes to work. Of course, they’re nice shoes, but they’re not as comfortable as the late and lamented casual pair. Eventually I will work them in, of course, but it will take several months before they lose their piety.

I got on the Internet and tried to find a pair exactly like my old ones, but apparently Earth Spirit isn’t making shoes for men anymore. I found one place that had a pair in the same style, but didn’t have them in my size. Wal-Mart, where I had originally bought shoes, only offer two pair of Earth Spirit shoes now. Both are women’s knee length boots, which truly will go with nothing I own even if they had my size and I was so inclined – which I’m not, despite those photos from the New Year’s Eve party and riot.

And so I’m in uncomfortable shoes facing something I really dread: shopping for a new pair of church shoes. Affordable church shoes. And I really, really, really hate shopping for shoes. I never have on the right socks, can’t find my size, and am unable to try on any shoes without wondering whose feet had been in them before and did they have some fungus that would pierce my socks and attack my body until I end up as a news item on Weird World News. And because I have trouble finding the right shoes, the clerk will get annoyed with me, and I'll feel pressured to buy something to prove that I wasn’t just wasting his time. Finally, whatever I buy will go on sale the next week.

Still, there's no avoiding it. Some day soon -- before Sunday -- I will be standing in front of a local shoe store and gathering my courage to venture within. I should get a medal. Or at least a shoehorn.

Copyright 2009 by Stephen B. Bagley. All rights reserved.

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Wednesday, April 08, 2009

Poem: Beyond the Bone

Beyond the Bone

It's not that I doubt your pain now;
I have held you through tears and howls.
It's not that I've stopped loving you;
I love you more than life allows.
It's not that I think you don't try;
God knows how many therapists
and prescriptions you have endured.
It's none of these easy things.
But I have grow weary of pain,
tired to the bone and beyond it.
I can carry you no longer.
If you doubt me, if you believe
my strength will sustain, know this:
when you talk about suicide,
I wonder every now and then
if I would feel grief or relief.

Copyright 2009 Stephen B. Bagley. All rights reserved. From the poetry collection EndlesS, available from Amazon.com and Lulu.com.

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Tuesday, April 07, 2009

Baby, it's cold inside ...

So I was at the doctor’s office, shivering in a hospital gown so revealing that Britney Spears would be embarrassed to wear it, when I overheard this conversation taking place outside my door.

Female patient: “Doctor B., why is it so cold in here? Surely you can afford heat with what I’m paying you.”

Me, too, I thought. From my wallet alone, you could afford your own nuclear power plant.

Doctor B: “I don’t touch the thermostat. It’s controlled by Debbie.”

Debbie, the office manager: “Yes, I’m sorry, but I have to keep it cold because I’m going through The Change.”

Female patient: “Into what? A polar bear?”

The doctor laughed and laughed. Debbie, however, was not amused.

But that explained why the office was so cold that you could hang meat in it. Of course, I’ve complained about doctors’ offices being cold before, although rarely when I’m there because my spit has frozen my jaws shut, but I’ve started to notice that other places are colder, too. The slogan for our local Wal-Mart this winter was “Lower Temps Every Day.” Restaurants started putting smoking sections back in so that people could huddle around their lighters.

All this thermostat lowering was caused by the high price of natural gas and heating oil this winter. Companies needed to save money, and one way to do that was lower the heating costs. Companies started to call meetings just so employees could huddle together as well as do nose counts in case anyone had succumbed to the cold. A lot of people think Sarah Palin ran for the White House just because she wanted to get warm.

So I’m ready for summer. I’ve mentioned before how much I like heat. It gets 85 degrees, and I’m happy. Ninety degrees, and I’m delighted. I’ve always been that way.

Summer is my favorite season. Summer is long days, sunshine, lemonade, watermelons, swimming pools, kids out of school, vacations, farmers’ markets ... No other season has anything like it. If Christmas was moved out of December, winter would have nothing in it for us to enjoy, and the only good thing you can say about spring is that it means winter is over. And I can’t like fall because it means summer is over. Although fall does have Oklahoma State University football, so I guess I will tolerate it.

If I absolutely have to.

Copyright 2009 Stephen B. Bagley. All rights reserved.
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Monday, April 06, 2009

Black Dog run

Really, not much else more to say. Saw the doctor today. More tests. Two new drugs. Conflicting results on the tests I’ve already had so that’s what prompted more tests. He’s sending me to another specialist – an ear, throat and nose surgeon to see if a gland on the left side of my face needs to be removed.

Arm is bruised because the lab people couldn’t find a view so they had to keep sticking me. Spirit bruised because I took off work, spent money I didn’t have at the doctor, spent hours in the car, and basically don’t know more than when I started, other than there will be more visits, more drugs, more doctors.

I don’t know how seriously ill people do it. I don’t know how I’m going to do it. I don’t even know if I’m seriously ill. Conflicting reports, you know.

But I’m still coughing blood. Every morning I hope it’s clear, but it’s not. So there’s something wrong, and it needs to be fixed. I just don’t understand why it’s being so hard to find out what’s wrong.

Anyway, the Black Dog is running beside me. I must be easy prey these days. Gonna have to work on that.

Hope things are doing well for you. Have a great week. I’ll be praying for ya. You do the same for me. We’ll make it.



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Wednesday, April 01, 2009

Once again blessing

Once again, God has reminded me that He’s watching out for me.

A good friend – my brother in spirit – and his lovely wife gave me money today to put toward my medical bills. I’m not supposed to talk about it, but I am so very grateful. It was an unexpected blessing, and I am humbled by this gift. It’s my prayer that God will bless them and their children in a great and wonderful way.

I know God doesn't want me to be sick, but I have been amazed about how much He has shown me during this time. I've always had a dark view of life; mistrust comes easy to me. When other people would talk about miracles in their lives, I was always pleased for them, but inside a part of me stood off and thought of alternative explanations. But now I have watched events unfold in my own life, and I find myself thinking, Well, Stephen, you've been wrong all these years. And I am filled with awe and hope, as unsophisticated as that sounds in these cynical times.

Yes, the world is dark -- I can't deny my eyes -- and the skies are blacker than midnight, but the light keeps breaking through with no regard to how I thought the world was or how I believed things would go. I've been told before that the beginning of wisdom is to realize how much you don't know. Well, I have begun.

Once again, let me thank my friends who made my week, uplifted my spirit, and filled my heart with gratitude.

Good night.

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