Okay, three pages of the Gazette printed, but yikes, no humor column. I've been playing around with words all evening, but nothing funny comes to mind. I was kinda working on one about horses and how they hate humans, but who has horses anymore? As soon as I made a dog food joke, I knew it wasn't going anywhere.
Then I thought about doing one about politics, but hey, there's nothing funny there. Tragic, ugly, mean and stupid, but not funny.
So then I thought about my dating life. That's good for a few cheap laughs, particularly when you compare me to a blind musk ox in heat. That's always a knee-slapper and sometimes a face-slapper and once a kick in the groin, but oddly enough, I just couldn't work up any excitement about it.
Finally I thought, hey, I could talk about how fat I am. Ho, ho, ho, as another jolly fat man likes to say, particularly when cruising downtown Vegas, but frankly I'm not as jolly as I used to be.
So here I am: a columnist in search of a funny topic. Do you have a topic to spare? Are you hoarding the topics? You should share. Don't make me come over there! You wouldn't like me when I got angry. You might not like me when I wasn't, either. It's just hard to be friends with you. Have you thought about seeing a shrink? No, not dating one; I mean you should talk to one and try to understand this need you have to hoard topics. You'd be happier if you did. It's time to let go of your past topics. Remember, before you judge someone, walk a mile in their shoes, although this is hard if their feet are smaller than yours and what if they had some nasty foot fungus? Forget I mentioned it.
Let us all now hum together the theme from M*A*S*H. Hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm ... Some of you aren't humming. Sigh. Once again from the top. Or I could just say good night!
Good night!
10 comments:
Hey, write something about Joel napping at work on the day after a holiday! That's a topic HE won't be using again this week, maybe.
From me you'd just get some lame stuff about how bad traffic is in Texas.
You're the topic king TECH - you can do it. How about posting the result? I'm sure we could all do with a good laugh.
"Hey, write something about Joel napping at work on the day after a holiday!"
That's hardly interesting. Well, when the janitor came in but... :)
Foot fungus?!! LOL!
how about just copying and pasting what you just posted? Or you could just put a picture of yourself in there. No. On second thought, that would just be cruel and inhuman punishment.
Since you've never seen me, Mark, I hardly think you're qualified to judge my appearance. (Frankly, it kinda creeps me out that you do judge other men on such.) Actually I am a god among men, a tower of manliness, my teeth gleam like something really, really, really bright ... :)
Ok I am liking what frenzied said about "Things said under anesthesia"
Boy, do I have some stories...Most likely only funny to me.
I am sure you will come up with something...
Sorry, Tech. I was just kidding. Friends?
We towers of manliness are very forgiving, Mark. :)
It seems to me that you found your topic - looking for a topic!
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