Ever have a jealous moment? You know, when for a few brief moments, you see red and can't think, can barely breathe because someone that you care for apparently cares for someone else more than they do you? And you hate them and hate the one they care for a lot more.
Just for that brief moment, you're not civilized anymore. You're a caveman, you're an ape. Some other beast has barged into your territory, and you feel your teeth draw back and your body hair bristles and your fingers curl into a fist.
I'm having a jealous moment.
Do you have them, too? Am I the only savage left?
If by chance you have that beast in you, too, maybe this will help you. It's what I tell myself.
First, no one belongs to anyone else. You cannot command a person's affections. You can hope they will love you, but they're ruled by their hearts, too. You can't force them to love you more or to love you at all.
Second, you're still worthy of love. Just because you aren't loved by or not loved enough by the one whom you love doesn't mean that you are somehow less. The odds are good that someone somewhere is loving you more than you love them. That's the nature of this world. The reality of this life. You don't get to have everything; don't let jealousy take away what you have. Nothing in this life lasts forever; you'd better have enough brains to enjoy it while you can.
Third, have some dignity. It makes you look small to run down your opponent. It won't endear you to your love who will start looking at you and may see that smallness in you. Instead, be friendly. If you can't do that, change the subject. If you can't do that, good grief, just stay silent.
Fourth, it's okay to talk to a someone about how you feel. I suggest a good counselor. In fact, I trust counselors to keep secrets more than I do family or friends. There's an old poem that goes:
Love your friends and love them well
but to your friends no secrets tell
for if your friends become your foes
everyone your secrets will know.
Fifth, if you get overwhelmed -- and God forbid -- think of violence, talk to a counselor immediately. Because once you've gone over that line, you're going to lose your honor, dignity and respect. And probably your love. No one likes a savage unthinking beast. They're nice in zoos and belong in the wild, but not much fun in your living room. I've not ever reached the point of violence, but I understand how people can. So don't be a beast. Be the honorable person that you truly are. Be worthy of the love you receive.
Does any of that help?
If not, you can do what I do in last ditch situations. I have a root beer float made with cherry amaretto pecan ice cream. Yummy. I find taking time to have ice cream helps almost everything.