A friend of mine is going through a hard divorce, although I don't know I've ever seen an easy one. Fortunately no children are involved so it's simpler than most. I'm only hearing his side of it so I can't judge or lay blame. As always, both sides will have to shoulder part of it.
I attended their wedding about five years ago. It was a large church wedding with a line of attendants that stretched back to the third pew. A beautiful reception with flowers, dancing and champagne. They honeymooned at a tropical island resort. They were cute together, finishing each other's sentences, always holding hands, two peas in a pod, snug as a bug in a rug, and any other cliches you can think of. They had such plans. Kids, house, careers, growing old together but staying youthful forever.
And here we are today. He can't speak her name without swearing. They are selling their huge perfect house and splitting the money. They're fighting over the furniture, electronics and automobiles. Both are accusing the other of being unfaithful, he has a lawyer, she has a lawyer, blah, blah, blah. It's the same tired and painful story that we see repeated a thousand times over daily.
I don't know why love is so strange. Why it works for some people when it shouldn't and won't work for some when it should. It both breaks and heals our hearts. It's everything and nothing. You can't hold it in your hand, but some value it more than gold. Others walk away easily, hating what just the day before they loved. Others spend their lives in hopeless longing and deep devotion.
I do know this. It's work. It's not an instant thing. It's something that you have to get up each day and work at. To remember why you loved and find new reasons to love. To forgive them for not being perfect and for them to forgive you. To grow together and not apart.
Sure, there will be easy times, when love overflows. You'd better cherish those times. You'll need to remember them when the well is empty, and you need to believe it will be filled again. This applies to lovers and friends and all that fall between.
Easy words, but hard to do. It's still worth it. We are nothing if we aren't loved. I have been blessed in my life because I have loved and been loved and love now and will love in what is to come.
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